This happens seasonally; summer retreats southerward far away from fall breezes and with those breezes rides the first inklings of school...and with school, registration. A similar process occurs the ensuing November. The first throws of time-management syndrome are currently in full throttle and suddenly the world is demanding that you sort it all out...NOW! Though official declaration of a major is not required until spring of sophomore year, freshman year is still a painful process of discovery and denial. Perhaps a liberal arts school was really the wrong choice. College brings out the indecisive side of me; the more options I have, the fewer choices I make. If I had strictly chosen a major and a college devoted to it (as is required in Europe) I could have left all of my decision-making behind and pursued something with peace of mind. I might have looked back and regretted some, but not as much as I probably will now. Studying here allows me the opportunity to not only broaden my interests, but to continually feed them as well, much to my ultimate detriment as I cannot possibly pursue them all. And so I will have regrets. But will I have more regrets or fewer regrets than if I narrowed my focus early on? *sigh* There are regrets either way. Here is where my nerdy side enters. In Economics there is a principal called the opportunity cost which is defined as what you must forgo in order to gain something else. If you choose college, your opportunity cost is the money you could have earned if you chose to work. If you choose work, the opportunity cost is the education you forgo (with potentially higher benefits later on in life) in order to have money now. My opportunity costs, though they include components such as these, are much more complicated. Should I choose to pursue medicine I must give up my pursuit of the humanities. Should I choose music I forgo my aspirations as a linguist. Should I choose dance it would be with the understanding that I will doubtfully find a related job following graduation.
It is the great dichotomy of my life: pursuing the dream vs. pursuing the practical out of necessity. I have come to one conclusion however, so please, do not lose all faith in me. If I choose to be completely practical then I will die unsatisfied and most regretful because all that I did was for comfortable existence and survival, essentially for myself, not for change or for others. If I follow the dream I might be poor, I might be in debt, I might be happy, or I could be too worried to be happy. Hard to say exactly. Heck, if I were Hindu I could tell you based on my previous life experience...though I don't suppose that frogs have very similar life experiences to those of humans.
Regardless, I love college. It is not a waste of money even if I am running around clueless. It is my life. I only have one. Nothing is wasted as long as I am learning and experiencing. I believe experience is the key. Not for any particular reason. Experiences are just good to have. So, for now, should I look at the long run, or will I become too overwhelmed? I generally become overwhelmed when I do. Today I was hit by so many urgent possibilities that I had to sit down and just wait for awhile in the hopes that my head would not explode. Sounds silly I am sure, but it is true; my brain could not bear the blast of imagination that hit it. Life just isn't enough. If God included a satisfaction guarantee, I think I would have to write him and complain. After all, Noah and all his ancestors had several hundred years experience before their time was up. With a current lifespan of ~80, most Americans spend 1/4 of their lives in school (from 5-25). Just think how many years Methuselah could have spent studying, approximately 225 years! Now we're talking, God!!! Then there is the problem of sleep. If I didn't have to sleep I'd gain back about another 20% of my time. Oh, and if I didn't have to wait at stop lights, that's another +2%. Come to think of it, I'd like the ability to time warp too.
Oh, well...it's 10:45. I suppose I aught to go start my "meaning of life paper" now.
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