Life is just too big. I don't know what will become of me. How would you like to sit gorilla-glued to your chair, flying through a tornado of possibility? I'm so stuck I can't think straight today. What will I publish? I really need to finish my homework. Where is the next scholarship going to come from? Am I kidding myself about track? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? Remind me, why did I sign up for ballet IV. There just isn't time for all this! Am I ready to close the door on certain options? Right in my own hands and life time I have the makings of a memoir! I regret that I make myself sound like one of those brilliants with a mind so expansive they cannot bring themselves to rise in the morning. But it is tormenting sometimes, let me tell you. It is as if I have must-figure-everything-out-itis.
I do want to write a book, several books in fact. I do want to compose music and break CDs one day. I do want to continue this struggle to dance even in the face of reality and precedent. I do want to understand the world's economy and politics, and do the research that could save lives. I still want to reach out to each person who walks through my life today. That is what I am here for. I don't want to feel that everyday life and the limit of 24 hours holds me back, restricts me to so little. The only thing that I can do today is get and do something instead of imagining the everything and mourning that I cannot do it all.
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