Yes mom, I know I spend too much time on facebook, and here is further proof of that. Just this afternoon I took one of those little annoying facebook quizzes that your lame friends send you (because they have nothing else to do all day *ahem*). Normally I don't respond to such requests because I am trying to keep my profile to the minimum. "Trying," I said. I don't need an application telling me which Disney princess I am (not) or how many fluffy friends are waiting to hatch before they become tenacious zombies, or if I'd make a good president's wife, or if I'm sexy. The answer is "n/a" to all that. Yes I will be so bold as to say it: I already have those answers.
Scrolling through my 57 requests for quizzes like, "how many toes did you have in your previous life," and "which tree bark describes you immortality best," I rapidly selected and deleted all 57 but hesitated at one. "How old are you really," it queried. The script wavered as a mirage before my eyes a moment before a forefinger twitched and selected "accept." Clicking through a maze of questions I answered inquiries regarding my blood pressure, drinking habits, affection for smoking, happiness thermometer, and other oddities. The results? You can only get them if you want to bother 20 other people to take the quiz. What the heck! they can just delete them. who takes actually takes these stupid quizzes anyway?!
20 clicks later the screen congratulated me with a shower of balloons and confetti, even offering to reveal the name of my secret lover before rolling over to the results. Secret lover? what secret lover? The page went black then flashed in giant pink letters, "Hurray! You're 6 today! According to this detailed inventory, you have the mind and maturity, as well as the satisfaction and happiness of a six-year-old. Congratulations!" What could be more wonderful than knowing that as an achieving student in one of the world's top tier liberal arts colleges I have the mind and maturity of a six-year-old, oh yes, and the contentment of one too. I'm not sure whether to be insulted or elated. But we won't think about that now will we? It's too much for this little mind. Let's just go with elated, okay?
I guess it's time for public schools to step their game up and get on the level of those geeky home-schooled kids after all. How many six-year-olds do you know attending high ranking colleges across the nation. Hand picked baby, from a pool of 3,194 at an acceptance rate of 52%. Can I make it any clearer? And I thought Britannica Online was the place to get all the answers? Clearly not. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it, or don't rather because that makes you older than you really are. Oh yeah, and by the way, facebook says I'm a belly dancer too.
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